Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
