do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
