do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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