We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
