my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
