Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dicks are not precious.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
