All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
