You're so nebulous sometimes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
