You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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