it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
