There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
