My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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