I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
