you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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