how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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