It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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