i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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