They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
