i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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