In America we eat man semen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
