I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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