so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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