There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
