Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
