It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
