Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
