Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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