just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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