phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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