Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
