you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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