Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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