Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pooping to opera.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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