those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
