i just google imaged poop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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