first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
