A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
