she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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