I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and she was petting her beer can
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
