I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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