The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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