Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
