Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
