I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
