Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
