Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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