listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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