Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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