He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
