you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
