so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
