what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
