Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
